Millennials Fire Back at Haters: Work Ethic is a Reflection of Boring Douche Work

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They claim they’d rather work an hour Ubering to buy avocado toast than to stare at a computer screen for 8 hours just to earn enough money for a trip to Red Robin.  “Yeah, they have bottomless fries, but I’m woke as shit and I don’t fill my body with garbage food,” says Kahtghie Bachs, 18, of San Diego, CA.

Millennials are increasingly frustrated with being characterized as lazy and apathetic. “If I seem like I don’t care or work that hard, it’s because where I work is a redonkulous joke. My company sells mall gift cards to grandmas, that give them to their grandchildren, who will never step foot in a mall,” Bachs said.

Furthermore, they say that being managed by flannel wearing, Seinfeld quoting, “Dude Dads” does not interest them.  Jawnathan Wries, 20, of Phoenix, AZ says, “The jobs our gramps and nanas had were a lot better, like being a swol bank teller or an important business guy that gets to do dope-ass meetings and drink scotch all day.  Today, it’s just stare at a fucking computer and type numbers into Excel. This shit is wack, son!”

Their generation seems to be saying “Fuck You” to all the bullshit, wanker jobs out there and with titles like, business analyst, data analyst, program manager and operations support consultant, who can blame them. “I mean these jobs… suck a mean dick… well no, let me back-up there, these jobs are like a bunch of dicks out there that want to be sucked and I for one am saying, no way sir, get that dick out of my face,” says Aryk Morehead of Washington, DC.  He continued, “I work at a company that distributes those tourist activity pamphlets to Motel 6. My employer has ‘one on one’ meetings with me and I have to write my ‘career goals’ every year. I have a difficult time doing any of this horse-spooge with a straight face; here’s my goal, PAY ME, Be-YATCH! I’m looking for a new job but the ones out there are just different colors of the same turd some with more nuts then others.”

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