‘The CornWhole’ is Packed in Des Moines

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Fucking Corn

Des Moines’ hottest new restaurant is ‘The CornWhole’, where every item on the menu features Iowa’s most famous and only export: corn. The menu features favorites like corn, both on and off the cob, corn hominy, corn grits, corn pone, cornbread, corn nuts and for dessert, of course, popped caramel corn. I visited the restaurant on a busy Saturday night and all 15 of the diners seemed impressed. “I really liked the corn! I get it off the cob with shallots and truffle butter – the best 15 bucks I ever spent!”, raved Will Dorpface. “When my husband comes in to the The CornWhole, he’s always very excited, like a kid in a candy store. I often can’t decide what I want, but tonight I’ll take the whole cobb – buttered of course!”, declared Clair Bluttuna, visiting from Sioux Falls.

Not everyone in town was sold on the restaurant’s concept.
“I don’t really get it. Where’s the pork tenderloin and steak de burgo? Pone ain’t no fuckin’ meal. Dis Iowa for Crist’s sake,” mumbled Bobby Lee Cockpants as he strung up his overalls after having urinated in the parking lot.

This writer, however, is a big fan of ‘The CornWhole’ and I’ll definitley be back for the Wednesday night special, ‘Creamy Pone Bone’, a deliciously glistening pork rib bone with the meat removed, dipped in coconut curry corn pone and fried. Love it or hate it, after having been in the ‘The CornWhole’ you’ll either feel very stuffed and satisfied or betrayed and ashamed.

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